There comes a point in your life when you've had about as many lessons (over and over) as you can stand to bear with sexual partners before realizing you have to go deeper if you want something to last... perhaps a lifetime. I get so many questions from people who are at this point in their journey so I thought I'd share my take on finding "the one" (I don't believe we're ever really looking for 'the next'). There are basically two types of partners you can attract... those who help you learn evolutionary lessons along your path through conflict and contrast and those who join with you along the way and hold your hand encouraging you while you both learn and grow. Although it's rare, one can turn into the other. Some people reverse these terms, but here's the gist:
Matt Kahn confused everyone in this video switching what we label the soulmate or twinflame. So, for simplicity sake, I'm going to keep it like everyone knows it... twin flame is "the one". Karmic is "the lesson". I love his advice in this video, however, so here it is.
Karmic relationships always seem to involve instant gratification, doubt, confusion, manipulation, trickery, lies, and pain. If our great teacher, ego, is influencing your relationship, you will use these things to get what you want or they will be using these things to get what they want out of you. In some cases, your karmic even sense when you are about to find your soulmate and attempt to sabotage you subconsciously. This is why suddenly, you'll get a rush of guys/girls asking you out all at once when you become interested in someone with long term potential. If you want the best relationship for you, it is important that you push past these karmics so the real deal can come to the forefront. Otherwise, you'll be too distracted and your heart won't be available till you realize what's going on and what you'll possibly miss out on if you continue to stay stuck in the karmic's web.
In order to see you through to success, I'd like to explain the role of the higher self so you understand how we get in the way. Your higher self is always trying to orchestrate the most incredible sets of events in your life that will leave you in awe and wonderment. It's lining up that perfect job, the perfect relationship, the best friends you could possibly have, and all the money you'll even need, etc. But their job depends on how well we do our job. When we are a clear channel for divine guidance and are in the moment (not dwelling on the past or looking for fulfillment in the future), you are clearly guided as to each step you need to take to get you there. Your only job is to stay in the moment and feel as high a vibration as possible so you attract the best possible outcomes. Joy, excitement, eager anticipation, daydreaming in such a way that you have already attained it, patient persistence, knowing, and faith bring these things through to manifest in your life. Thinking, worry, doubt, and all the ego's tricks we talked about slow down or hault those things from coming altogether. It is highly advantageous to continuously "Let go and let God". Remember, when things don't work out with someone you had hopes in, that your higher self has someone perfect coming so it has to weed those people out. Don't take it as a disappointment, take it as encouragement that you're one candidate (experience you learned from ) closer to what God has in store for you.
Twin flames are like a divine reward. As the American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.” These may feel a little slower than you'd like or are used to at first because it feels like there's a lot at stake and both of you don't want to make a wrong step. It may even sneak up on you and blindside you. Often times there is an age difference and/or they may not be your "type", but don't go by your typical list of what you look for in someone... this person is in a league all their own. It can be a practice in patience initially, but there's also a sense of clarity and a knowing that this interest could be worth the wait. There's a certain respect to taking your time and faith in this trusting of divine timing listening to the prompting of your heart and intuition as intimacy naturally deepens between you almost as if you didn't have a thing to do with it. In the process of such a relationship blossoming, you are encouraged by the universe to continuously come back to the moment and ripen to the potential through a maturation process. Many people, when they do meet their twin flame, feel a strong gravitational pull towards them. Listen to your intuition on this because you don't want to try to force it to happen (you may be twins, but each of you ultimately has free will) yet you do want to be sure to respond willingly when you're prompted by the universe to take action even if it's terribly uncomfortable. Once you've reached a certain level of comfort, it will just start to flow and be easier than relationships of the past. It's easier to understand each other, "get" where the other person is coming from, forgive, and compromise. There's not so much power struggle, but a team effort toward you both being happy separately as well as together. There also could be an automatic trust and comfort that unfolds naturally unlike you've had before. Partially, this is due to you having many past lifetimes together (familiarity, comfort).
So, why are we drawn to the karmics? Well, let's face it, if karmics weren't so enticing, why would we go through a karmic relationship knowing full well there will be pain involved? We're usually more drawn to them when we are thinking something outside of us is going to make us happy (see my podcast on addictions to learn more) instead of going within and loving yourself then allowing this other person to be a compliment to your life rather than having lofty expectations they're bound to fall short of leaving you disappointed. If you are seeking, you are probably going to pull in a karmic so you can have a lesson that points you back to learning to love yourself. If you are happy being as you are, you're likely to attract your twin flame. If you fluctuate between looking and loving yourself, you'll probably attract both to you so you have to be wise and discerning. Just as a fire that starts fast and fierce so too burns out quickly, so does any relationship that is too passionate too fast (even friendships). Take your time... it'll be worth it.
What's the purpose? I've often thought having a significant other like this was somewhat of a distraction from enlightenment and felt weak for caving in and getting back into another relationship when I felt my priority needed to be my spirituality. A part of me felt bad for even desiring a relationship. But I've learned the karmic relationship has a grand purpose far greater than mere relationships. They are against all logic. They are against all odds. They are renegades. They inspire those who see them, hear about them, and watch them come together and flourish. They inspire romantic comedies just like Christmas movies make us cry and inspire us to have faith and hope again. They lift up the vibration of this planet and are incredibly healing not only to those individuals lucky enough to unite, but for the family, friends, general public, and the collective as a whole. A twin flame environment is also the most conducive to achieving enlightenment if you think about it. In fact, if you strive to awaken before uniting, so will they (because you are psychically connected) and, then, when you come together, you can awaken to an even deeper level together remembering to keep your eye on heaven always above your relationship (ie. stay present and don't get caught up in the dramas of life). True love and being present make you feel safe, secure, and loved. You can allow yourself to sink into this partnership and experience true freedom only this kind of love provides.
How to gain clarification as you go? These are some tools to use to help you decipher whether this is a karmic or twin flame and when or how to take loving action:
INTUITION: Your intuition is your best guide. When you're aligned with your natural guidance and intuition, you will feel prompted to take loving action (without a big built up story of how you'll do it or how they'll respond), because it's coming from pure divine prompting without expectation. You may not know why you're prompted but you listen because you know this guidance comes to you for your best and highest good. If you're accustomed to listening to your intuition, you've probably already experienced miracles happening as a result of this blind following of the promptings. This means casting your fears and ego aside and just doing what feels right and true to you deep down.
TALK TO HIS/HER HIGHER SELF: If you have an idea who this could be, send them blessings and see what you get back. It's like a ping in computer terms. You'd be surprised what you get. If this is your twin, you'll start to receive information or reciprocation from them. You may even start to feel things they feel, or sense when they're thinking of you. Some have even reported heart palpitations, tingling, intuitive hits/flashes, or feeling incredibly turned on out of nowhere for no reason. If you do energy work, you may start to see their energy field overlay with yours... sort of a merging of your energy fields.
PRAYER: A couple examples of prayers to try are "I accept that I can't tell who's a twin flame and who's a soul mate right now so I call up on the light of the universe to please make it very clear to me which is which so I will not doubt which direction calls me on my behalf and for the benefit of all. That I am now. So be it." or"I accept that I don't know how to make this thing happen so I call up on the light of the universe to please step in on my behalf and bring us together on our behalf and for the betterment of all. That I am now. So be it."
DREAMS: You can also ask Archangel Michael, upon going to bed at night, to remove subconscious blocks and give you guidance in your sleep. He's excellent at helping clarify. Ask about a specific person and for the truth to be shown. You can also get a dream book on relationships to help decipher, but the general gist is that, if you feel good in the dream, it's a good sign. Working on a project together rather than merely being passionate, is a sign of long term potential. Even loving or marrying a family member is a good sign 'cause it indicates this person feels like family. It's all about how the dream makes you feel.
MEDITATION: I do qigong every morning then sit quietly for about 5 minutes just asking if there's anything they (my divine guidance system) would like to tell me about today. Then I wait for images, feelings, or promptings to arise. You could ask specifics as well.
PENDULUMS: When looking for a pendulum, hold it out in front of your heart and ask what it's 'yes' looks like then ask what it's 'no' looks like (without influencing it). Then ask if the pendulum likes you. If the pendulum responds well to you, you can use this pendulum every time you need to clarify anything you couldn't quite decode in your meditation or in a sign that comes to you. There are some great Youtube videos on how to use a pendulum, but this is my favorite set of videos.
CRYSTAL GRIDS: A crystal grid is essentially a prayer request in the form of rocks or crystals. Combining feng shui, you can set up a crystal grid in the love area of your room. This video I've attached shows one type of love grid, but, you can lay your rocks and gems out any way you'd like. It's really just about your intention and using things that symbolize what's important to you in a relationship. And, before creating any grid that involves others, make sure you state that you create this grid according to your and the other person's highest good and within their free will preferences. This way you are not intruding on anyone's free will. This is a very important law of the universe I encourage everyone to follow. I do not even send healing energy to anyone unless they've given me permission first.
ORACLE CARDS: After qigong and my 5 minute meditation, I ask if there are some cards I should pull to give me guidance for the day. If I have a love interest, I may pull Doreen Virtue's Romance Cards in addition to my other cards, but only when, after I ask this, I see the front cover of the card deck come to my mind's eye. I run a variety of different card covers through my mind and see if they stick when I go to take them away. Those that stick, I gather in front of me. Then I ask how many cards I should select each time I open a deck. It's usually between 1-3. I keep a diary of the cards I pull so I can go back and see which cards I pulled that morning and see the set of events that unfolded... a real faith booster!
I hope these tips help. If you feel angst in regards to ensuring you find that right person for you, be sure to watch Matt Kahn's video above, click on the links throughout this article, and, above all else, AWAKEN. Awakening is always the quickest ways to your own personal heaven on Earth. The video and links go into much greater detail than I have here, but the big take away is to love yourself, go forth in the name of love when prompted, then let go and let God and watch the magic happen. Please feel free to leave a comment below with any questions or feedback. Namaste.
See also this article in The Huffington Post "The 10 Elements of a Soulmate".
TO ATTRACT LASTING LOVE
APOPHYLLITE WITH STILLBITE CLUSTER = Attracts and finds a life-long mate.
ROSE QUARTZ = Invites love into your life. It opens your heart to receive love and gently reminds you that you are worthy of love. Wear this stone or keep it by your bedside to remind you that love is coming your way.
MALACHITE = The beautiful green swirls in this stone help to usher away hurtful memories. Malachite works quickly and diligently to clear away painful heartache and make way for new love. Try sleeping with this stone on your heart chakra. Alternately, you can wear the stone as a pendant over your heart or you can sleep it with it under the pillow.
RHODOCROSITE = The lovely marbling of pinks and whites in this stone helps us to unite the different aspects of our personality so that we can learn to truly love ourselves. The only way to bring true, authentic love into your life is to love yourself first. Rhodocrosite helps you to appreciate yourself as it teaches that you are worthy of love, health and happiness.
RHODONITE = The pinks and blacks in this stone remind us that affairs of the heart are often painful. Rhodonite is the Stone of Forgiveness and it will help you to let go of any pain from a past relationship with an attitude of love and forgiveness as it gently cleanses your aura of hurt, anger, regret and bitterness.
GREEN AVENTURINE = Known as the Stone of Love and Luck, carrying this stone with you will increase your confidence and your luck at attracting new love into your life. It'll bring you that first date as well as luck with how it goes. It’s also known as a Stone of Abundance, so keep one in your wallet to ensure new financial resources too!
APACHE TEAR = This form of Obsidian is known to absorb depression, grief and negativity. Legends say that as the Apache women and children watched their men die in battle to save their land and way of life, they cried rivers of tears. These tears hardened into these Obsidian stones which we call Apache Tears. The legend says that whoever holds an Apache Tear will never grieve again. Carry this stone with you to help absorb any sadness you may be carrying in your heart.
CITRINE = This joyful, sunny stone is known as the Stone of Success. It will help make you feel more empowered, confident and sure of yourself. Carry this stone or wear it as jewelry to enhance your self-esteem, confidence and joy.