MO'S AND MY "MEET CUTE"
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (well, Montana), I was at a bar in Bozeman learning to dance salsa. I was being my "single and free" self getting out and having a good time without needing to be with a friend to feel secure. I had been working on that. I had been single for some time and felt I may as well resign myself to embracing it more fully as I could be here for awhile. I was out on the dance floor having a blast not caring what anyone thought of how I was doing despite it being my first time giving it a try. I was feeling like a million bucks because I was finally dancing SALSA... the hot, sexy dance I'd always wanted to wiggle my sassy butt to, someday when I could conger the nerve, and the guy teaching lessons was so good he made me feel like a pro. I kept noticing this super cute guy watching me. It was one of those moments when you keep checking behind you to see if there's any possibility he's looking at someone behind you... or even someone he was seeing in a reflection behind you. There's nothing quite like assuming and you turn out to be wrong. Very embarrassing! Well, after a good while of discretely checking out the situation, I came to the conclusion it was me he was watching and the wry smirk on his face was the next clue. He was so gorgeous I was suspicious. Not to say I wasn't cute myself, but this cute of a guy could have any girl and I was no super model. I made my way over to the bar and he called out to me, "Hey. Come here a minute." waving me over. I laughed. He said, "I'm serious. Come talk to me. Please." I said, "No. I don't think so." "Why?!" he pushed. "Because you're too cute and too young." I answered. "Just five minutes. That's all I ask." he assured. So I gave him a very skeptical look and walked over in protest and sat down thinking this could only be trouble.
I thoroughly enjoyed his company for over an hour. He was so sexy and had such a great sense of humor it melted my previously guarded heart. I was so comfortable with him, but there was still part of me thinking he must be some type of Casanova. I figured, "He must be a player, but, whatever game he's playing, I just might participate at this rate." as I had to give it to him for trying so hard to keep the conversation flowing the whole time and didn't seem to want it to end. He just wasn't giving up and I wasn't sure exactly what it was he wanted. He seemed to genuinely be showing interest in my life which was rare. I'd had guys pretend to be interested, but he seemed to really care. He finally asked something I could tell he'd been wanting to say for awhile, "Can I tell you something crazy?" I thought, "Oh, here it comes." He proceeded to tell me that he had a girlfriend he'd been with for many years, but that something told him to come down to this place tonight to meet his soulmate. Then he sat forward and looked me square in the eyes and said, "You're my soulmate. I've found you." I started cracking up. He was totally offended. He asked, "Why won't you believe me? I've never been so sure of something in my life. I'm dead serious." and didn't crack a smile. I said, "Because you're probably a pot smoker and play video games or something." He laughed at the stereotype and admitted, "Yeah, so? Doesn't mean we're not a great match." I said, "Yes, it does. I'm a spiritual person who's into enlightenment and things like that." He said, "I don't know anything about those types of things, but I swear to God... bring me a stack of books and I'll study every one of them until we're on the same page and I understand your language. I will prove it. I will do whatever it takes to convince you. I'll do anything." I was stunned by his insistence. And tremendously flattered. He got me past feeling skeptical, but it was hard to believe nonetheless. He asked me to have patience while he takes a little time to break up with his girlfriend 'in the right way'. Their families expected them to get married (they'd known each other their whole lives so it was sort of like an arranged marriage) so he felt he wanted to honor their history. He didn't want to leave my side and insisted on seeing me as soon as possible.
A TORTUROUS 3 MONTHS
We texted and called a lot, but the insecure part of me kept thinking he must be a player and didn't take him seriously. It tortured me that he wouldn't leave his girlfriend. We would hang out here and there and talk, but he wouldn't take me on any "dates" (I assumed because he was hiding me). We even took it further a few times. One time we were hanging out in a bar and he 'let me in on a little secret' and told me, "Listen to me when I say this. ALL men are dogs. Even the ones you think are good guys aren't. I've thought I've known some good, faithful men, but they always let me down and disappoint. Always." He seemed so sad and angry that men were like this and I felt bad for whatever it was he had seen and experienced. He was like a kid trying to tell me there was no Santa 'cause he knew first hand. It was at that moment, however, that I knew what a good hear the had to be so upset about it. I also remember testing him once by bringing my sexiest friend over. I was flabbergasted he wasn't paying her any attention! In fact, when we left, she said to me, "I can't believe he didn't even hardly look at me. Not only that, but it's so obvious he loves you. At first, he sat a few feet away then kept scooting closer to you until you guys were side by side touching hands. Didn't you notice?!" Yes, I had, and I had fallen in love with him too, but he just wouldn't leave her for days then weeks then months. I got tired of waiting and, at the time, I was promiscuous and hurting. I was completely at wits end and, towards the end, threatened to sleep with a guy every night till he leaves her then would text him a report of my adventures. Ouch. He responded with anguish and kept begging me to just give him a little more time and said he couldn't believe I would be so mean to him. I argued he was the one being mean.
In the meantime, I had been on this dating website and there was this guy who'd been sending me messages I was ignoring. I finally took a second look after noticing how eloquent he was, compared to the other guys, and his insisting I talk to him. After chatting with him one night, we realized we lived just a few blocks from each other. He really wanted to go out, but I told him I was sick and hadn't bathed for a couple days and that my hair was oily. He said he didn't care, that he'd just made homemade soup, and insisted I come over and get some TLC (he had a sauna and assured me it would help me recover faster). He begged and pleaded and finally convinced me. The minute he opened the door, we looked at each other like, "Wow." and I felt as if I had just stepped into my new life. He clearly felt it too. He decorated like me. He had white lights in the living room, wine on the table, jazz music in the background, and soup on the stove. He was like me, but male. It felt like I could just walk right into a template life in a way. He already had a home, he wanted to actively date, and he whisked me off my feet. Right when Mo told me he had broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to move in with me, Nate asked me to commit.
Mo tried to get me to meet him, but not hard enough, apparently, and he never admitted his feelings for me. I was ready to put all these "players" in my life behind me and close the door and move on with this man who actually wanted commitment and I was ready for a life with someone. Eventually, he, and some other guys who'd also been showing interested, just stopped texting after I kept ignoring him. Even my best friend, Ed, seemed to be wanting to turn our friendship into something more. Whenever Nate would go out of town for work, he was asking me to go to dinner and movies (evenings weren't a usual for us). I was already in love with Mo by then, but he just seemed too flaky to 'place my bet on' if you will. So I chose Nate. Honestly, if Mo had told me how he felt, I'd have chosen him.
About a year later, after I'd agreed to marry Nate, I went to see my prior best friend Ed who was a Physical Therapist at a Chiropractic Clinic in Livingston where I lived with Nate. Ed lived in Bozeman, but I'd gotten Ed this job in Livingston (Mo lived in Bozeman). So, I went to say hi to Ed and see how he'd been since I had been dating Nate the past year. Ed took off once I started dating Nate 'cause he wanted nothing to do with him (he said he's a liar and a pretty boy and couldn't stand him). Anyway, when I went in to the clinic to say hi, I saw a file on the counter with Mo's name on it. I looked up and called out to Ed in the next room, "Ed, Do you know Morris _________?" He said, "Yeah! Do you know him? That guy is the coolest guy. Why?" Surprised to think Mo had come all this way to see Ed and that Ed apparently hadn't made the connected yet, I prodded, "Ed, Morris is Mo. MY Mo. The guy I've been talking about forever. The one I was in love with." He walked out of his office and looked like his world was spinning and he was going to be sick. He said, "Morris is my best friend now and we go to bars all the time together. He's always crying over some girl, Amy... I can't believe it's YOU. I never put it together!" (he always hated that I called him Mo, but allowed it because "it was me"). I welled up with tears and said, "No way, Ed! I can't believe it?! What am I going to do?! I still love him!" He walked back and forth pacing and panicking. I said, "Well, he never told me how he felt about me and, by the time he wanted to do anything about it, I was committed to Nate. I'm very loyal and I thought Mo was just flaky. I can't do that to Nate." So I decided to follow through with my promise to marry Nate anyway.
THE FOUR YEAR DETOUR
And hell ensued. And heaven too. My marriage to Nate was extraordinary (3 homes, lots of money, traveling abroad, road trips, and fun), but very hard. His former wife tried to warn me he was a psychopath, but I thought she was just jealous. Of course, I'm no psychologist, but, from reading up on it after our divorce, the articles I read seemed pretty spot on. He just seemed to lack genuine compassion or empathy (but knew how to act the part). What was confusing was that 90% of what we had together was super amazing, but the 10% was complete hell like I'd never experienced. If you've ever been with someone like this, you understand. Super charming and perfect... and the pain debilitating.
HAD TO FIND MO AGAIN
Needless to say, I figured this out and left him in Texas (we'd lived in Livingston, then Bozeman, then Oregon, then Texas for his work... he was a Geologist). A few months after our divorce, I was in a little cafe in Granbury, Texas, and decided to Google Mo and try to find him. To my horror, I saw he had driven home drunk around 2 or 3 am, crashed into a tree and died. I started to cry over my laptop then realized, "Wait! I am a psychic. I can talk to ghosts. Why not Mo?" So I went to the bathroom and asked, "Mo?" and, like a genie released from a bottle, he popped out shouting, "That guy was SUCH an asshole! If I'd have had any idea, I'd have never let him have you!" We talked back and forth for a bit and he confirmed some things I suspected all along. He also said he was going to be my stand-in boyfriend so not to worry about Nate bothering me anymore. He then became sort of like a body guard for months. Every time I worried if I'd run into Nate, he'd stand next to me and say something cool and/or would hold my hand. Sometimes, if I was walking home in the dark at night, he'd talk to me and keep me company watching out for any danger (as if there was any in that little town).
THE SEARCH FOR A SOULMATE BEGINS
Then, one day, I was in my apartment and my friend came over who was a medium. She said, "There's a guy, Mo, who's here. Do you want to talk to him?" I jumped up surprised, and said, "Of course!" She started off telling me some things he was saying only he and I knew about just to verify I was talking to him. She sounded just like him and said things he would say... even intimate details about our sex life. And he was his normal flirty self. He proceeded to tell me the reason he didn't say he loved me was he was insecure and didn't feel he had a lot of money or a future to offer me. When he heard about Nate, he felt he could offer a better life. He said he was rich, successful, had a home, and took me out on dates. How could he compete? He felt he was doing the right thing sacrificing himself for my happiness essentially. He said, when he died, all he thought was, "I have to get to Amy" and was immediately put into my life as a spirit guide. Then he had to endure watching my life with Nate (he died about half way through my marriage). He said all he wanted to do was find me true love after the horror he saw and that became his mission... to get me to my soulmate.
MO TURNS "MR. ROMANTIC"
He proceeded to romance me like he never had the chance to in person while he was alive. He sent me songs. He sent me things that reminded me of him. He even sent songs to my friends who would tell me things that were happening they felt were Mo trying to communicate a message of love to me. It was crazy and it was coming from all directions. Sometimes I'd cry with gratitude feeling overwhelmed with his love.
THE CALL TO BOULDER
About that time, I was learning about Bentinho Massaro and his teachings. My representation of Bentinho Massaro's higher self was explaining things I didn't understand about his teachings as if I was being trained. He had a great sense of humor and acted like a big brother. He teased me a lot. Then he encouraged me to move to Boulder and work for him. I was skyping with Ryan Brown who also encouraged me to move there. He assured me there are all kinds of fun things to do in Boulder. I sent in my resume and put in my notice at my apartment despite that it was my favorite apartment and my business was started to do very well. I was going to holistic and psychic fairs, doing parties, and my reputation was growing. But, as fate was trying to push me out the door and make sure I went, it started to get uncomfortable being there. All kinds of terrible things were happening. I knew I was going the right direction and couldn't stay there. I found a place to stay in Boulder over Craigslist and proceeded to get all packed up. I got rid of most of my things and packed all I could in my car, getting rid of anything that wouldn't fit. Then off I was.
AMENDMENT TO MO'S STORY
Crazy thing is, the day I was wrote this page to put on my website, a man came in who'd just been in the day before. I wondered why he was back so soon. He said his twin just isn't responding and he felt insecure about it so wanted to get some advice. I assured him everything was fine and was just listening to him as a friend. He was telling me some stories when I heard, "Well, ya know, all men are dogs." which got my attention. I said, "That's what my deceased ex boyfriend used to say all the time. He said even the good men are dogs." He apologized for my loss then went on to tell me how he sees true love. He explained that, if, while you're getting to know him, he scoots closer to you inch by inch, he loves you. My jaw dropped. Then he says, "How did yours die? My ex committed suicide." I felt a fire of truth in my chest and a sinking feeling. I said, "Suicide" feeling suddenly sobered. Seeing the shock on my face and the blood leave my complexion with this realization, he said, "I guess we need to take this conversation next door and continue this talk." and we proceeded to the cajun place next door. I was super aware of every word he said and jotted down anything that correlated at all. He said the words, "Cajun. Louisiana. Bozeman. Montana." Wow. My Divine Masculine (AKA "DM" or twin flame) is from Louisiana and Mo was from Bozeman. I went home and had a good cry and talked to Mo's higher self awhile. He said he didn't want me to feel bad... just wanted me to know the truth and just how much he loved me that he couldn't live without me.
Then, the next night, I'm watching a Luke Casul twin flame video and he says to pay particularly close attention to music right now. I got a song in my head the moment he said that, forgetting what it was about, but remembering it was beautiful. It was "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston. I watched the video and started getting choked up when I remembered the words. I shook my head, "No. No. No. You're not leaving me." and I felt him feeling bad. He said, "not yet, but it's coming." Then I was shown a vision of me kissing my DM and knew that would be the moment Mo would leave. That will be his time to move on... that I'll be in good hands. I was in denial about it all, but then got the idea to ask my close friend to use her pendulum for me. I texted her, "Is Mo leaving?!" She checked and got, "Not yet, but yes." I started to cry. Then I told her why I thought that and she said her roommate was just downstairs listening to that song and belting out that very tune just moments ago. Seriously? You can't make this stuff up. I'm in disbelief, but I guess it makes sense. All this time I was so eager to see what me and my DM could have together not realizing it was ultimately leading to me having to depart with Mo. He must feel terrible. No wonder he's been hurt and jealous (other psychics have told me). It was because I didn't realize it was also kicking him out the door simultaneously. And no wonder he told me about his committing suicide before he goes. Seriously, though, how on Earth did he get this guy to say all of that? Unbelievable. The universe never ceases to amaze me. I'm dumbfounded. And deeply touched.
MEETING MY TWIN FLAME AND
THE SIGNS AND SYNCS THAT VERIFIED IT
My twin's female friend, here in Boulder, came for a reading in February 2016 after I'd be in Boulder nearly a year. Then she went straight over to get him and told him he had to come get a reading too. He had a 10 minute reading. I don't remember what we talked about, but remembered his name and that he was super cute.
Shortly after meeting my twin, I was in a Staples parking lot here in Boulder and felt a sexual energy rise up in me. It was so intense I sat at the stop sign for several minutes looking in the rear view mirror ready to get out of the way if need be as I was having what felt like a full body orgasm for several minutes. I learned later this was a kundalini awakening. I had another one the first time we talked in depth in person, but it was different. It was like a pilot light was lit in my root chakra and spread through my body.
He ordered a reading over the phone a couple months later. He amazed me with how honest and kind-hearted he was and I advised him on his relationship. I immediately felt protective of him like he was a rare treasure and I never wanted him to hurt again. He decided to leave her after our talk. I confirmed for him what he already thought.
Btw, both of our last relationships were broken up from psychics telling us it would be best (and we listened and knew it to be true).
Also, after our talk, I started taking a course on "How to Meet Your Soulmate in 27 Days", and was only on day 4 (my favorite number), when I listed an experience I'd like for my soulmate to have had in common with me so I could identify him when we met. I thought about it for days then chose enlightenment since I was enlightened over 10 years ago (I talk with Bentinho Massaro about this in this video). I thought that'd be an amazing experience to share with someone, and it'd be extremely rare to find someone who'd have experienced it like me (that didn't involve drugs). I even wondered if I'd ever find such a guy, but was willing to wait for the rest of my life to find it. The NEXT DAY, he called and I told him to stay present in order to find the answers he seeks. He said, "I know what you're talking about, Amy, you're talking about enlightenment. I've been enlightened before." I about fell out of my chair. I was skeptical so asked him lots of questions. It turns out his experience was very similar to mine except for the vivid colors I saw. He said they were probably there, but he probably just didn't notice (again, adding to his credibility).
Then, on Easter, it's a long story of how this happened, but we both started to awaken AGAIN only together! Only this time I couldn't talk and he saw the vivid colors. I felt the once might have been my last, but twice and together?!? I think the universe was just showing off and having a good laugh with that one! They were just blowing my mind.
One week later, I went to a telepathic massage therapist and, when I got off the table at the end, she said she saw something weird. She said I was tethered to someone else... someone who was awakening with me. I asked if it was the guy I liked (at the time I had a crush on someone else) and she said no. She said it was with someone who doesn't live here right now. This guy AGAIN?! WHOA!
At one point, I sent him a twin flame video that so accurately described us I couldn't resist. It mentioned an opportunity out here I had told him about for him to bring his practice here to the Boulder area and talked of him being called to a higher calling to a more spiritual community where he could work with his divine feminine, but he needed to decide what he wants to do and the type of woman he wants and that I was at a distance just watching, supporting, and loving from afar... there to offer guidance if needed. I told him I watched twin flames videos all the time and think of him.
Two days after I sent that video, he joined Instagram using a number with his name. That number is the same as my area code when I was a child. Also, the email address he gave me when we met has my favorite number in it... the same number that's the only number in my email address as well. His instagram number represents home for me. My email says I'm for real.
One night, I was told by a guy friend that he figured this was just unrequited love and I needed to just get over it. I was open to seeing that if that were to be the case and was ready to move on if so. He suggested, if I wanted to know the truth, to drop a bloodstone in a jar or glass of water and put it beside my bed. I don't know why, but I did it (the only water I could find in a jar was holy water, believe it or not, which ends up being symbolic being that twin flames are such a spiritual connection). Then I talked to his higher self before going to sleep and said, "I want to know the truth. If you are my twin flame, I really have to hear from you, in the PHYSICAL, tomorrow or I'm giving up." The next morning, he texted me thanking me for the last talk we'd had a couple weeks prior... that it meant a lot. He'd never done that before. Btw, as a side-note, later this guy friend told me he had been turned on by a hug we had so I tell people to beware there will be ill-intended friends who will try to sabotage you!
One day I realized Mo would have been the same age right now as my twin flame (13 years younger). They were a mere 3 months apart in age!
Another time, I asked the universe, "If he's my twin, why don't I dream about him much?" (I'd only had two dreams that I could remember). That night, I dreamt my twin showed up unexpectedly with a pastor, his mom, and his best friend and married me on the spot. There was laughter and knowingness in our eyes even though we'd never discussed getting married or even dated.
I told my angels I don't know how to interpret dreams very well so please keep giving me dreams about him I can understand that are literal. I then had a dream I told this mutual friend of ours that I think he's my twin flame. She said, "Well, you'll know soon enough when he comes out." I looked at her puzzled and she asked, "You didn't know he's coming?" I said, "No." and she said, "Well, you'd better call him and ask. So I did. He said he is coming out here and tried to come out sooner, but between his schedule and everything he was juggling in his life, he isn't going to make it out until ___________ (my closest friends know this date). He was excited and said he's going to check out that opportunity out here and take me out to have some fun while he's here. His voice was so real it was like I really talked to him.
Then I had another dream he came to me, held my hands, looked me in the eyes, and said something very beautiful, heartfelt, and loving. I was in such shock I could barely comprehend what he was saying. Then I turned to his sister, took her aside, and asked, "Does he really love me that much?" and she laughed and assured me he's told her everything and I couldn't stop this if I tried.
Again with the answered prayers! No dreams for a long time then several dreams directly addressing things they felt I needed to feel or know to keep my faith.
One night I randomly found this meme in my computer (apparently, I'd found and saved it a long time ago). I had sent my DM a dandelion seed for his birthday and suggested he make a wish. I didn't know who the person was who said this quote in this meme, but he had his name and there was a dandelion in it. I had a hunch to google the guy's quote and was led to a song. My jaw dropped 'cause it described exactly how I was feeling. Then, the next night I get the inkling to look up the words on the meme to see if that was a quote or from a song. It led me to another relevant song. I was watching this video thinking of my DM at first and it really touched me. Then I thought of how it also pertained to Mo. I realized Mo had sent me down this path to discovering these songs and realized the song would have come out around the time he died. Then I got chills at the thought 'that's the song he'd listened to over and over and think of me'. I cried even harder when it all hit. It led me to truly take a look at and deal with his death once and for all, see some hard truths, and heal. It also made me realize he was blessing our relationship and we had the potential to have what me and Mo couldn't. I'm at the same crossroads right now as I was back then only am making the right choice. I'm choosing the man with my heart instead of logic. This could be a flippin' movie (maybe it will be)!
Another time, I had been talking to him in my sleep and whatever we were talking about made me wake up a little 'cause I was being prepared for something to happen. I heard him say, "I'm taking the brunt of this, but you'll definitely feel it on your end, ok?" I said, "Ok" then suddenly felt this intense cramping and was doubled over in pain for several minutes. I ran to the bathroom and was in there for several more minutes then back and forth for probably an hour. I wanted so bad to text him the next morning and ask, "Rough night?" but I had been initiating for awhile so felt I needed to lay off, take any pressure off, and let him sort all this out on his own. Ultimately, he has his free will and can do whatever he wants. I would want him to only come to me because he feels this pull too... not by any influence of mine. But, should I feel prompted to reach out again, I will. You just have to follow your heart. Of course, I did make note of the date of this incident in my diary, for the record, in case he remembers it.
The most profound synchronicity is that, almost every time, when I watch twin flame readings, they seem to be reporting on my life. It's like these readers are a fly on the wall of my life! Sometimes, it makes me gasp and my jaw drops to the floor. For example, one time, they said my twin was talking with his parents trying to sort of warm them up to the possibility he may want to begin a new life. The next day, I went to dinner at a cajun restaurant (he's originally from Louisiana) and I texted him and told him where I was. He said, at the moment, he was in Louisiana (he lives in Missouri) visiting his parents!
Another reading said we were both making changes separately, but, ultimately, in order to come together (like a "V" shape). They said the divine feminine was moving to a location that was more conducive to having a relationship (which started to unfold) and that he was going to be presented with a very profitable, divinely guided, career opportunity as an opportunity to be closer to his divine feminine (which also happened synchronistically - a couple I set up now have a practice together and are thinking to leave it and move out of state. She came to see me (I usually go to see her) and she ended up asking me if my twin would be interested in coming out this way (she knew he was in the same line of work).
Another time, I had gone through a major anxiety/panic attack for the first time in many years. I was actually worried I wouldn't show up in the readings anymore... that somehow I had jumped off track or something as a result (the divine feminine is pretty much always be in a pretty good place). I was scared to look at a reading. I finally faced my fears and watched one and the reader said, "Wow. Divine feminines, I don't know what you just went through, but, whatever this is, snap out of it! I see panic, anxiety, worry. Something big has happened to her." I sobbed like a baby and felt the grace of God so strong. He was winking at me in such a special way in that moment... the moment I needed it most. And, just like that, I sprang back.
Another time, I had texted him telling him that I had a dream he was coming out here for a visit and that I missed him. He said, although he'd started seeing someone, he actually was planning a visit the following week (he didn't even know it would be during the 11/11 twin flame gateway!). We planned to go to coffee, but then, under a friend's influence and pressure from my own conscience, I decided to send him an email with a link to my blog with all this info (at the time, it didn't talk about Mo) so he had time to think about it before we talked. I felt like I was keeping a big secret from him and felt bad. I'd feel like a phony liar pretending the blog didn't exist during our visit in case he knew it did and, if he didn't, I didn't want to put him on the spot and shock him by talking about it in person. I opted to tell him, in advance, to give him time to process it all and come clean with all my cards on the table. After I sent this email to him, I sent my friend a text "sent" then another one a minute later "scared". My friend said the word scared kept popping up at the bottom of our stream of texts staying on the bottom as if it were my last word over and over (she even came to show me in person). She said, "Wow. I think it's his higher self. He must be really scared."
I went through another dark night of the soul when he outright rejected me saying he didn't think he was my twin flame. His rejection made me question everything and have tremendous anxiety reactivating my PTSD. I didn't trust my intuition anymore... or tarot cards... or my pendulum... or anything. I felt like life, even God, had completely betrayed me and played some cruel joke. When I finally got the guts to look at a twin flame reading again (it took awhile), it said, in several readings, that I'd just been through the biggest betrayal by my twin, but that it was my last test of faith in God and faith in myself, a deeper purging that was bringing up my worst fears that needed releasing, that I wondered if God had played some cruel joke (something I had just written down was my worst fear before I watched the video), and assured me that it would be the last time my twin would hurt me so deeply. It also said my twin was being tested as to what kind of woman he really wants... the same old thing he's always had, using his logic and making others happy, or something deeper, more fulfilling, and long lasting with me. Seemed right on... and so has every reading since... again.
Also, I had emailed Elizabeth of House of Idems and told her what happened and she pretty much said, "Ye of little faith". Knowing that she knows whether someone's truly your twin flame or not, that made me feel better (and maybe a little silly because I know her twin has rejected her, too, but she never doubted). I ordered a reading from her which explained that people get rejected when they force something and that it really didn't have to do with the other person and how they feel about them. I didn't see it as that at the time, but I can totally see where he would feel called out or forced into this now, in retrospect, of course. It really bothers me to think of it that way, but it's a good lesson. I really didn't think that one through. I'd never want him to do anything he didn't want to do. I guess I didn't think about how he'd react to it... just that it might open up some honest dialogue. I didn't realize I was putting him in such an awkward position and I laugh about it now. What else can you do? I know it all happened for a reason and caused big changes to occur within us that wouldn't have happened otherwise so I can't regret it, but I can't tell you how many times I've shaken my head laughed asking myself, "Why didn't I just go for coffee with him?". Oh well. It's brought me to a point of just being glad I know who my twin is, being grateful for this incredible journey and what it's taught me about loving others and myself, the demons it's made me face, how much we've even helped other twins, and accepting him unconditionally without expecting anything in return. This is key for any relationship. Give just to give. Love just to love.
Then, I had energy work done on me by this intuitive gal and she said she saw that a part of my soul had leaped out of me scared to death and she was able to integrate all of me back together again. She felt it was some sort of cognitive dissonance. Through this time of doubt, I jotted down my most fearful thoughts so I could do Byron Katie's work on them and lessen their grip on me once and for all. I had also prayed before going to this energy worker that my faith be restored and I'd know if he was lying. Towards the end of my session, she held my head in her hands and whispered repeatedly, "faith, faith, faith, faith, faith" then "lie, lie, lie, lie, lie". I was like, "What???" Afterwards, I asked her why she said those words and she said, "I didn't say either of those words. I was saying the names of reiki symbols. Crazy! Needless to say, I did spring back again, with more faith than ever, after this treatment. I have more confidence, more vigor for life itself, am making some awesome changes in my life, and have let go of his needing to do or be anything for me. He need only just be. And I just pray for his happiness and send him blessings whenever he crosses my mind. If you're having trouble letting go, this video helped me. Oh! She also said my guides had done some kind of surgery on me. Sure enough, my knee has been completely healed since (it had been hurting for months). She also took out an old contract in me/us where I was still drawing in abusive and unhealthy relationships and took that out as well as it had run it's course. Hallelujah!
After that, I had another dream I went to visit him and we were getting married still having not seen each other all this time. We hugged and I said, "Oh my gosh. That seemed like forever." and he agreed. He commented that I had lost weight and looked great. I laughed and said apparently I'd given it to him. His dad thought it was sweet I didn't care at all. There was beautiful lush grass everywhere and the property was right on the water. It seemed like a lake. It was beautiful. He took me to a room where he likes to watch the sunset and we sat and held hands for the first time and laughed at how crazy this was we were getting married without even knowing each other, yet how right it felt. He was so excited he could barely contain himself and kept showing me all his favorite things and places.
And, now, with the holidays in full swing, he's here with me without being here. I went to a Thanksgiving party where they featured a drink from New Orleans. Then, I meet this cool guy friend who takes a trip to New Orleans and brings me back souvenirs. Then, I see Missouri license plates right in front of us when we go out to have fun and he orders a cajun dish at a restaurant we went out to eat at. Then, I ask him to put Christmas music on in the car and he asks if he can put on something more fun and he puts on a New Orleans jazz station (which was great). Then, I get invited to a party that, of course, features gumbo on the invite. Then, people are mentioning Louisiana and Missouri constantly in my readings and around me. I'm just shaking my head at these things now laughing saying, "I guess I'm having a cajun Christmas with or without him." I'm like, "God, you've already made this clear as day to me. You've just gotta torture him a bit now if you want anything to happen." Ugh. Rolling eyes.
OMG. I just saw something I'd never noticed before. My DM changed his profile picture on Instagram and I saved it 'cause I love his smile in it. It uploaded to my computer and, for whatever reason, his picture is the one that comes up every time my iphone uploads more photos... he's just smiling at me. Well, today, it disappeared and I was like, "Hey! Where'd he go?!" and scrolled to look for it and it was just the next picture away. He wasn't far. Then I noticed the caption for the picture is "Happy Days" and the hashtag is #smile. "Happy Days" was my mom's favorite song she would sing if she ever wanted to get me smiling and she would always say "Smile, Amy" if I was sad. And, sure, I can see why you'd think this may not be significant, but my mom was handicapped and couldn't say many words. But she always said, "Smile". She's got to be thrilled I just discovered this little sync link. ;^)
OMG. I am laughing so hard right now. I was talking to my friend, Mark, on the phone and nearly dropped the phone when I saw I had a business card wedged in the door from an officer, who had the same name as my DM, saying I was to call him ASAP tomorrow about a package I apparently had stolen from me he wanted to return. My knight in shining armor! You've got to be kidding me. Rolling eyes. The universe is getting more and more creative.